Given this is a blog about honesty and anxiety, it is a terrible omission that I have not touched upon one of my constant sources of disquiet. With good reason – I hate talking about it.

I have never been happy with my figure. I tell a lie – there was a shining few months in the late 90s when it was great. Otherwise, no matter what size, from 10 to [redacted], I have never been happy.

Now anxiety has come to stay, it leaps on this insecurity and rides it around my brain like a circus pony, waving its hat around and shouting yee-haw. In other words, anxiety makes sure I cannot ignore it.

We always have two choices: accept yourself or change yourself.

It should be easier and quicker to accept myself – to realise that I don’t really bear any resemblance to the giant Chet-turd-monster from Weird Science*. In this case, there is no easy path. I want to stop giving my anxiety something that’s so easy to ride, and that means it’s all got to go. My son is 17 – I can’t really call it ‘baby weight’ anymore.

I’ve been on the Mañana diet for a few weeks, always telling myself I’m going to start tomorrow. For me, this is merely an excuse to eat a load of junk before it is no longer available to me. Thinking about dieting is even more destructive than not dieting at all.

I have combined everything I have learnt from recent successes and failures in my new attack. It boils down to this:


So I have committed myself to:


Why do I so often fail? If I get busy, or have a social event, I stop and then hit reverse. My most successful diet hit the rocks when I took a couple of weeks off for my birthday and a holiday.

To give me flexibility without the need to stop, I have invented a new diet. With credit to Meatloaf**, I call it:


Every day I need to achieve at least three of the following:

  1. Stick to whatever eating plan I’m on (I’m starting low cal, may switch to low carb)
  2. Go to the gym
  3. No alcohol
  4. No sweets

This means I can have a drink, as long as I am good with food, say no to sugar and hit the gym.

And the best part – I got to make myself a sticker chart!

I won’t bang on about it on here – because there really is nothing I hate more than talking about my weight. But I will post some updates, to help keep myself honest.

**Because you know you’ll be singing it:

*In case you forgot what he/I look like: