Thought you were dead 
Thought you were gone
And then you called me on my phone
Said you’d been busy
Stuck in the Priory
Still wanted to see me

I won’t lie 
I was surprised
Best excuse I’d heard in quite a while
It wasn’t me
It’s definitely you
How could I refuse?

Early post today as Polaris and I have plans tonight.

Attended my first therapy session today at the “world famous” Priory Clinic. Haunt of celebrities and no doubt the keeper of a million terrible, sad and scandalous secrets, my whispers will soon be added to its walls. It just happens to be the nearest place to my house where my insurer will fund CBT sessions, so I guess we can leave the glamour of it behind.

The lyrics above are from a little song I wrote many years ago (Makin’ Whoopee style), based on a true story. I was genuinely flattered that someone I had been on a date with a few months before, contacted me to say he’d been in therapy and would like to meet up again. We did get together – he was (and still is) a good guy with those little glimmers of kindred spirit, but none of the sparks of romance. Our anecdotal intersection simply provides more threads for the strange tapestry of my dating past.

My therapist today asked me if I think I am too accepting of other people’s eccentricities. I agree I am accepting but have always thought it to be one of my strengths. I worry that therapy will tear apart my already fragile ego, uprooting even those traits which I consider good.

I am pleased to report that I did what I set out to do today – I blurted some of the worst disclosures, wincing and cringing my way through some of the hardest truths. CBT starts with a mass download of information and observations. It’s exposing and uncomfortable but I know the worst is yet to come – when they cast aside the truths you have offered and go for the real treasure, the gold watch inserted when you hoped no one will ever look.

But that’s for another week. I got through today and it’s a relief. Blogging, and the great responses I’ve gotten, have certainly helped clarify my thoughts.

Polaris and I are heading out for dinner and cinema (it a NOT a date). Spending time with him, after spending time talking about how I feel about him, feels like a dangerous situation. Wish me luck!